I'm convinced that the president's new stimulus plan is nothing more than a desperate attempt to solve a terrible mess that demands a much more rapid and greater response.
A well-known philosopher once said, "To criticize without remedy is ignorance personified."
OK, as president, heaven forbid, this is what I would do. I would immediately invite all of the oil-producing countries of the world to meet with me in Washington at the earliest possible date. Yes, Venezuela, Russia, Iran and Nigeria would also be included. I would start with saying the United States is in trouble, and I am sure that you'll realize that if the United States goes down, the rest of the world will soon follow.
I am asking each and every one of you to provide America with the necessary crude oil so that American producers can provide the American consumers with $2 per gallon gas at the pump. I will promise to provide American protection for your country from any enlightened despot that thinks otherwise. Bear in mind that the American people have given me a mandate to do what I think best as commander-in-chief of the most powerful sophisticated navy in the world, I promise to fulfill this promise.
OK? Here's the kicker. With this $2 gas, I will take the top 20 cents to put America to work rebuilding our infrastructure from sewers, to railroads and everything in between. If you agree to this agreement, it will be for four years and I will expect you to abide by the rules of its content.
Let me also say that from now on, all the countries of the world will be treated equally with consideration and respect, and any one of my representatives who performs otherwise will soon be looking for another job.
I'm convinced that this 20 cents will eventually create 20 million new jobs and will be an immediate and continual influx of ample funds which will be necessary to do the job.