By Carolyn Lange
With an infectious laugh that can either fill the room or stop short and be replaced with a quiet, somber voice, Denise Rode tells stories about her struggles with mental illness and her journey through the community's mental health care facilities.
She had been a healthy, active, straight-A student in high school. When she was 23 years old, she was hospitalized at the Willmar Regional Treatment Center -- diagnosed with schizophrenia.
She was catatonic.
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"I felt like I was trapped. I was very suicidal," she said.
Being treated in the mental health unit was "very scary" the first time, she said. It gradually grew into a routine.
Rode, who is 49, has spent nearly 15 years of her life, off and on, at the Willmar Regional Treatment Center.
"I felt like I just had to die," said Rode, who was later diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which can still send her soaring with happiness one minute and crush her with sadness the next.
It's called yo-yoing, said Karen Tusha-Mohlin, who for 20 years has been Rode's case manager through Kandiyohi County Family Services.
"She's saved my life many times," Rode said of Tusha-Mohlin.
Receiving treatment helped Rode realize she was "not alone" with her illness and it gave her self-esteem.
"I'm a worthwhile person," said Rode. "I am not a reject."
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The treatment she received at the Willmar Regional Treatment Center and at other community inpatient and outpatient facilities helped her deal with life issues, including chemical and alcohol addictions, inability to keep a job and a failed marriage.
Fifteen years ago, when she was suffering from delusions and struggling to maintain her health, she made the heart-wrenching decision to send her daughter, who was 6 years old at the time, to live with a relative.
"It was the hardest thing I did in my life," Rode said, her eyes welling with tears.
"She's the bravest woman I know," said Tusha-Mohlin, who was with Rode during the process.
Rode, who also has physical problems to manage, including diabetes and congestive obstructive pulmonary disorder, said her goal is to stay alive and stay healthy to see future grandchildren.
She's now living in an adult foster home and doing well. She's funny, has a great gift for gab and earnestly strives to help people. She volunteers at an area nursing home, calling out numbers for bingo.
"She's a caregiver," Tusha-Mohlin said.
Rode is adamant about the need for people with mental illness to get the help they need and to stay on their medications.
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There were times when she felt so good, because of the medications, that she stopped taking them. That was a mistake that she doesn't want others to make.
"Follow the doctor's orders," she said.
